Around this time last year, I started a new phase in my life where I decided I was going to unapologetically value my ideas. It might sound crazy for the President and founding member of a company where that's the whole point of its existence to just now be making that decision. However, a decision like that isn't something you just wake up and decide to do. It's a process that takes time.
In the beginning of UNAPOLOGETIC.’S existence, I was introduced to that and began that journey. And for a period of time, I feel like I started to really adopt that mindset, but my life was different at that time. For one, I was a lot younger. At the time of writing this, I am 29 years old and will be 30 in a few months. It was a lot easier to believe in my ideas and what I thought because I had experienced so few opportunities to deal with opposition to my ideas. Still in college as my life began to be wrapped up in this world, it's all forward momentum. It wasn't until maybe 2020 where my life changed, and I had to seriously wrestle with whether or not I was doing the right things.
Overall, I knew I was going to pursue music. All that time alone, coupled with constant increasing pressure to be making money, started to really cloud my vision of success, and I started to look outside to what other people who were seemingly making a lot of money were doing.
It's funny because up until now, I never really thought about how I invested in a whole program to learn how some people who made millions of dollars leasing and selling beats on beatstars.com were doing it. I thought up this whole scheme of creating an alter ego that would make a bunch of generic modern beats and rack up money while protecting the Kid Maestro brand that was totally out of alignment with that career path. Looking back, I can clearly see how the voices of desperation started to creep into my mind and made me doubt the potency of the vision that was given to me that energized me for years. In addition to a global crisis, too much alone time, societal age-career norms, and being a part of a business that is expanding and NEEDS to earn. I started looking to YouTube for answers instead of information. To me, there is a big difference.
(Side Note: nothing wrong with hustling on beatstars clearly. That's just not the type of producer I see myself as, and I was compromising on that vision because I thought it was easier or at least more straightforward)
Feeling burnt out and extremely unfulfilled, I followed in the example of IMAKEMADBEATS and decided I was going to take a creative sabbatical to work on what I wanted to be my debut Kid Maestro album. I had enough experience producing artists to know that if I wanted to make something impactful, I was going to need to start really paying attention to my thoughts and emotions. My Sabbatical was going to be in January of 2023, so I began to mentally prepare in December of 2022. I had small composition notebooks in my pocket, and anytime I felt or thought something that might be interesting to explore during the music-making process, I would write it down or do a quick journal entry.
I also knew that if I wanted to be authentic, I would need to find ways to express how much my relationship with God had evolved and had been helping me get through so much internal turmoil, particularly that year. So part of my thought collection included how certain scriptures impact me and the love of Jesus and my struggles through those things as well. And I came across two passages in the Bible that changed everything for me.
The first was the idea that the Bible is not just a collection of words from God, but it's also a picture book. If you are familiar with the story of Abraham, you know that he was promised to be the father of an entire nation, but well into his 90s, he didn't have any children and his wife was barren, and he was kinda wondering what's good with God. And God took Abraham outside at night in the desert and told him to look at the ground and try to count the sand if he could. Then God told Abraham to look up at the sky and try to count the stars if he could. Then God told Abraham that just like the sand and just like the stars, that's how his descendants will be. The main lesson from that is the importance of having a visual in your mind to help you believe and have faith, particularly when things ain't looking too promising. I never was really the posters on the wall type of kid, but there is certainly something extremely effective about it; to always have a picture of where you want to be. Both the Bible and science support the truth that success increases when you can actually see yourself successful.
This brings me to the second passage that tied everything together.
Psalm 1:1-3 "Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. 2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in his law doth he meditate day and night. 3 And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither, and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper."
For some reason, this really hit me. Meditate on God's Word every day all day, and you'll be like a planted tree that doesn't die and is always fruitful, and everything you do will prosper. And I just got to thinking about this "picture" that was given. It's a planted tree, meaning where it is and why it's there was intentional. It's planted by multiple rivers of water, which means that it's placed somewhere where it will be provided for from multiple streams of provision. It brings forth fruit in its season. So what it's supposed to make, it makes. And when it's supposed to come out, it comes out. It's a fruit-bearing tree, which means it's also providing for others. Its leaf won't wither, which means it won't die; always full of life regardless of age. And whatever the person that's like this tree will prosper. To me, going into making this album at the time felt like the answer to what I needed. It brought me out of a desperation mindset, and the music I made during that time was so emotionally impactful. And I came out of it with ideas that I feel that once executed can change my life. And with I was energized creatively for pretty much the rest of the year. I had other issues that came up after that that we'll talk about at another time, but having that picture in my head set me up for success. It made me feel like I was getting answers from the right places and information from the appropriate places. When I'm doubtful, this is one of the pictures I have that keeps me on track, and I move more in line with my purpose.
I noticed that there are actually a lot of mentions of trees in the Bible, and there is a lot of wisdom to be extracted. And that sent me on the path to really study trees on my own, and I kinda fell in love. So I'd love to share that information and wisdom as we go along!
It's gotten so deep for me that I've started a book 👀. It's a new thing for me, so I'm figuring it out. But yeah, love trees. I even made a song about it that I'll be sharing an early version of soon!
Much love,
Kid Maestro