New Years Resolution
I’m not usually one for things like new years resolutions…not because I’m not a fan of establishing habits and creating new routines, or the idea of being able to better yourself just by deciding to…it’s just the trope of the new years resolution. This thing that everybody “knows” they aren’t going to stick to but it still feels good to verbalize a goal so we do, even though there is not a single portion of effort or detail put into the plan of how to maintain the desired newness. I also sometimes think people bite off a bit more than they can chew and get a bit overzealous with the reflections and inspiration that comes with that particular time of year. Please understand I’m a big fan of sentimental feelings. Always been a big sentimental guy. (mostly just mental though) I’m just...well the more I think about it, new year's resolutions really sound like the kind of thing I should love. Maybe I’m just an ass? Yeah that’s probably it.
But this year was different. No no, I’m still an ass, but I did make a conscious effort to establish a new years resolution, and with a good reason. Wanna hear it? If you don’t, I find myself supremely confused as to why tf you are here. Okay here it is: at the end of every week this year, I want to throw away 3 things of mine that I own.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea that we are destined…or doomed, to become certain things. Like, yeah, free will and blah blah blah, but at the end of the day, we are composed of genes and DNA and equations that have us programmed to be who we are. Sometimes I wonder if I was no less destined to be interested in music as I was to have brown hair…something completely out of my control. Which begs the question that I keep coming back to…how much control do we really have over who we grow up to be?
Sweet Tooth
It’s that thing where you say something and then you think to yourself “shit I sound just like my mom”. Or you randomly develop an infatuation for chocolate bars (not even just the taste of course, which should always be dark chocolate between about 60%-80% cacao, but also the packaging! A really nicely branded and packaged chocolate bar really feels like gold, a true treat of the finest and most exquisite delicacy) which slowly leads to a deep love and somewhat constant desire for ice cream. I am 29 years old and I have never had these desires but somehow randomly they seem to have now overcome me. And this meant nothing until I remembered my grandfather, my dad’s dad, and his intense and well known love for ice cream. Maybe this wasn’t an accident. I didn’t make some conscious choice to now love chocolate bars and ice cream…it just happened because maybe it HAD to. Because it’s who I AM. I LOVE ICE CREAM
I’m in support of being someone who loves ice cream…but I became interested in pinpointing the things that I felt maybe I was doomed to become, and see if I could fight those inevitabilities. And the first thing that came to my mind was the fact that based on the information allowed to me, it seems I’m doomed to become a hoarder.
Inevitable Outcomes
My grandmother, my dad’s mom, to put it lightly, has a few things she doesn’t need. Rooms and rooms full of documents and trinkets and forgotten gifts that now have become door stops and dust collectors. Things and things and things on top of other things scattered around a bunch of stuff. It drives my uncles, and also my dad, absolutely crazy. But the hilarious thing is, to put it lightly…my dad has a few things he doesn’t need. Attics full of documents and items that either represent non-memorable memories that serve no use holding onto, or just downright nothing. He’s not aware of this though…well maybe he is. He hasn’t spoken of it anyway…so as far as my knowledge he is not. But it’s become intensely comical hearing him banter over my grandmother’s quite impressive collection of nothing when it’s clear my dad has formed a maturing collection of his own.
But…where does that leave me? I’m next in line right? I don’t have a lot that I don’t need but I certainly have stuff…and I’m sure before my dad’s collection became what it was, it was just some stuff…and before my grandma had a house of rarely used things I’m sure it was also just “some stuff”. I’m next. No question about it.
So it was through all of these thoughts and reflections that I came upon my new years resolution. Every week this year, I will throw away 3 of my belongings…and by the end of the year I should be down to what I actually need. I will choose who I become, and I will not become grandma. (love you Grammy) And if God created the heavens and the earth, every living being on this planet and allowed for the presence of either humans or the creatures that would slowly evolve to be the opposable-thumb-welding species we are a part of, and he carefully crafted each of us with love and patience…then consider my new years resolution a fight against God. (this has gotten out of hand) I WILL BE WHO I WANT TO BE! >:(
So far I have thrown away old rusty dishes, non-functioning speakers from an old guitar amp cabinet, some old clothes, my old pc laptop and charger, various papers, failed paintings that I miserably held onto for inspiration as if I’m not able to inspire myself, (if I can wage war on God with a new years resolution then I can convince myself to paint occasionally, Jesus) and other trash. And it feels good.
Actually it feels great.
And if I do it right, by the end of the year I’ll be left with a notebook, a pen, my guitar, a bowl, and my ice cream scooper