Talking To Strangers
Throughout the last six to eight months of 2021…I set out on a mission. I wanted to explore what could’ve been described to me at that time as the mysterious phenomenon of talking to strangers. To describe myself as kind-of-an-introvert would be to describe the history of the decision making behind the voyage of the Titanic as a slight miscalculation. I find an absurdly large amount of content and peace in my solitude, and I’m completely self-aware of the fact that it can be pretty unhealthy at times. I think nowadays it almost feels like the trend to be isolated. The world is shifting to where we really don’t NEED to have face-to-face interactions, or real life human contact with others. We have tools and devices to either simulate those interactions, or to at least promote equal levels of productivity without the normal feelings of seclusion. (at least not immediately) But I’m describing my awareness of this culture shift really just to drive home that I was introverted before the world wanted everyone to be. I was isolating before it was cool.
But something strange happened in April of 2021. If you can recall…that was around the time where, at least for me, it started to feel slightly more appropriate to re-enter the world whilst maybe still considering slight restrictions. (I understand not everyone was on the same timeline when it came to COVID but this article is about me so this is the perspective you’re getting) And as I slowly started going out a bit more frequently to quietly work and ponder, there were two things I noticed:
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I found myself in a sea of strangers, as most of my infrequent social connections proved their delicacy as they dissipated from existence, leaving me mostly friendless with exception to life-long allies and family
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I had felt such a heavy shift in myself over what had transpired the 12 months prior, that I almost didn’t feel comfortable even talking to my longtime friends out of fear that maybe I wouldn’t be who they remember me as…changing so much after having a year alone in my room with my thoughts.
This gave me the incredibly unsettling feeling of re-entering society…but in doing so, feeling even more isolated than I was when I was alone.
But despite the aforementioned peace and comfort I get from my solitude…it was clear to me as the world began to return to normal, I couldn’t be left behind. I had to figure out a way to not only connect to the people around me, but also figure out how to connect to myself. I felt like I’d be pretending if I talked to anyone who really knew me…playing the person I was in Feb. 2020 even though it wasn’t who I was anymore. And I didn’t want to go to therapy because describing my ego as slightly oversized would be like describing the history of the decision making behind the voyage of the Titanic as…..you get it. Which left me with my strangers
So with much hesitation, over-thinking, fear, but also a feeling of inevitability…I dove into conversations with the unknown. Walking up to people in coffee shops, engaging in slight interactions in the grocery store, anywhere I could find anyone, I’d just let go of any predisposition and idea of who I was and who I was supposed to be and just jumped into uncomfortability. And I uncovered some pretty interesting things.
Firstly…talking to strangers really feels like you’re talking to a mirror. And I mean that in two ways. One being, I realized how often I really put on a mask in front of the people I know. Not intentionally, and not in a grand way of identity manipulation…it’s just, overtime you sort of develop unwritten rules and guidelines on how the various relationships in your life go. There’s a certain kind of language I use with my dad, and another I use with my friend John from Pennsylvania, and another part of me that is more frequently used around my friends in Memphis, and another that comes out with my Mom and brother. I’m myself around all of these people….but it’s just not the same as talking to a stranger. When you’re in front of someone who doesn’t know a single thing about you…there are no rules. There are no years and years of rule-developing interactions that teach you how to be around them. There’s just your thoughts, their thoughts, and your thoughts on their thoughts. There’s just the first words that come to your mind, and the first feelings that come into your being…and there’s something incredibly pure and honest about that.
Secondly, in regards to the whole mirror thing….the more I had these interactions the more I began to realize how connected we all really are. Like a massive tree with endless branches and vines…we all come from the same source. To discuss whether that source is God, or a giant star, or a massive clump of dust is for another article…but after a handful of these conversations, I thought of it less as “I’m sitting down to talk with someone I don’t know” and more like “I’m sitting down to talk with a version of me I could’ve become”. And in that sense, it was like sitting in front of a mirror.
I talked to a woman living in Dallas who was coming to visit her long-distance lover, a gentleman who had just tried hitting on a young lady only for her dad to sit down at the table beside him in an incredibly uncomfortable albeit hilarious situation to observe from afar, a woman who had just lost her father days prior to our talk, a grad scholar at the University of Ohio, and several others from moments in time. I discovered answers, found new questions, and most importantly, I finally started to feel connected…both to others and myself.
I would’ve never reached the level of understanding I now have of myself if it wasn’t for the strangers I engaged with during that time. I would never have come to know it wasn’t for the help of the unknown
Although, what really inspired me to talk about this, was that I’ve become aware of a shift back into solitude for me recently. I’ve lost that urge to dive into the social unknown. I’m sitting in a crowd of strangers even as I type this and I find no interest in pursuing conversation with anyone. I don’t have entirely negative feelings about this shift but I can’t help but remember a time where I was excited to converse with these other parts of me. Maybe I just don’t have as many questions as I had before…thus no answers to pursue. Maybe I’m just bitter over the cultural and social lines we’ve drawn and the sides that it seems like everyone has chosen to take, as if every stance and situation in life is black and white, yes or no, a or b…when oftentimes I find myself not really allying with anyone.
It’s hard to find your way. It’s hard to not leave a conversation with anyone these days feeling more isolated and alone than you already were. It’s hard to find your tribe through the risk of social engagement…and near impossible without it. Sometimes I feel like we all came out of our pods in 2021 looking for interaction…and in that time all we did was learn enough about ourselves and the world to understand that maybe we’d be better off at home anyway.
I don’t know what the next conversation will be. I don’t know what’s next for what it means to be “social”. So for now I’m just watching and waiting. Not ready to jump back into talks, but endlessly observing in awe at the illimitable versions of me all trying to navigate our way back to our infinitely developing definitions of home.