Nostalgia (Improper)
My partner is a professional ballerina. She’s been dancing since an incredibly young age when she first decided that she wanted to pursue dance (I think at the age of 6 or 7?) and has traveled internationally for various training, intensives, and practices, all the while landing here in Memphis to continue this current chapter of her career. She’s both a dancer and a choreographer, having accomplished several contracted choreographic works with other professional dance companies, as well as regularly creating new works in Memphis.
Along with both dancing and choreographing, she’s also a teacher of the craft. She teaches from almost graduating high schoolers all the way down to 5 and 6 year olds. So…a pretty wide variety of ability and maturity. This is not what this article is about, but recently she mentioned to me that she enjoys teaching the kids and leaving her imprint on the local dance community in that way…but she still very much sees herself as the student in this current juncture of her career, and there are mixed feelings towards being seen and hired as the teacher while also internally feeling like you're not anywhere close to have learned everything you wish. I definitely empathized with this struggle, though I’m not a teacher myself, and thought I’d at least mention it here in case anyone has any wise words they can share in regards to dealing with that juxtaposition.
But even more recently, she was recalling a story from one of her lessons with a younger bunch of kids during one of her Monday night teaching obligations. I’m not going to attempt to recall specific ballet terminology to avoid embarrassing myself…so forgive me for sounding completely unqualified to talk about the art form, but she was recollecting how interesting it was to revisit the most basic of the basics in terms of form and move set execution to her youngest students, forgetting that there is base knowledge that they just don’t have due to their youngness. She’s so used to working with either other professional dancers, or at the very least students at the age where they are ready to begin seriously pursuing a professional contract.
She found herself re-exploring concepts and conversations that she hadn’t had in years, and didn’t have a feeling of tedious redundancy, but rather a healthy reminder.
Earlier the same day she conveyed this experience, I had a very similar happening occur to me. During a day job of mine I found myself very briefly frustrated with somebody for missing an obvious objective because of not knowing where everybody else on my team knows where to look. For me, and most other people on the team who have been there for at least two or three seasons, this isn’t a protocol that I should have to explain. The answer was plain and simple, that was, until I realized how wrong it was of me to have the same expectations of knowledge for someone who has been doing something for close to a year, as someone who has only been doing the same thing for 30-45 days.
So I found myself revisiting conversations I hadn’t had in months to bring these old lessons to new ears, and make sure everybody had the same up-to-date knowledge base that they need to do their job effectively.
Back to Basics
Since this conversation with my partner in our kitchen while waiting for meatballs to conclude their cooking, this concept hasn’t escaped my mind. (the meatballs were delicious) The idea that maybe there are some conversations we all have to come back to. Some lessons that need more than one moment of understanding and acknowledgement before they really sink in. Or maybe they sank in fully the first time but that was a lesson for a different version of you. Now, years later, you’ve grown in a multitude of ways that you never could have expected, and while the past you knew that particular lesson well, maybe this new version still needs to hear it.
The most valuable of lessons serve as almost a new starting point. Or at the very least they are a noticeably strong pivot point in the road, a beacon to set your sights on a new destination. And then we start traveling towards that new destination and, not intentionally but just naturally, we find ourselves long away from that beacon we set months, or maybe even years ago. And sometimes we can still see that light when we turn around, and other times we turn around and see nothing.
I’ve definitely found myself in times of turning around and seeing nothing…and then spending months trying to retrace my steps in the dark to find some sort of evidence of growth or any sort of traveling at all. Pretty frustrating times. And ever since then, without realizing I was doing it until having the aforementioned meatball conversation, I’ve been periodically recollecting my pillars of motivation and character, and remembering where I came from, how it lead to where I’m at, and where it might lead me to in the near and distant future. It takes a lot of slowing down which is not only tough but also sometimes can feel wasteful too…but the time “wasted” with processing and pondering I feel like more than makes up for the time wasted wandering aimlessly trying to find your identity after finding yourself in the dark.
Missing the forest for the trees…
While I’ve gotten much better, I still have a terrible habit of missing the forest for the trees. Or in other words, getting too lost in the details to the point where I’m missing the image of the big picture. It’s weird, I don’t find that I do this professionally with artistic endeavors I wish to pursue, but I do it personally when it comes to my own emotional growth. I’m always planning out and mind mapping my projects and art goals but rarely do I do that for my personal life. For a while I saw proper emotional healing or healthy reminders of who I am simply to be spending one night every couple of months watching old cartoons I used to enjoy as a kid. Reconnect with my younger self through nostalgia and I’ll remember who I am again.
Pretty dumb. (although I do love watching old cartoons. Any Cartoon Network throwbacks are a go to…and I recently binged the entire catalog of the original Teen Titans animated series during the SAG-AFTRA strike when my normal content intake go-to’s were collecting dust) Now however, I’m learning to not just periodically revisit these old forms of myself, dust them off for an evening and then put them back in the cupboard until next year…but rather take those parts along with me as I grow. There are plenty of parts we want to, and NEED to leave behind. The obvious dumb decisions, and terribly unfulfilling interactions that you don’t need to keep in your mind and heart all the time in order to avoid in the future, etc…But not every lesson is an obvious one, nor is every lesson easily repeatedly achievable. I imagine I’ll be making some of the same mistakes in my 70’s as I did in my early 20’s and that’s okay, the goal isn’t to be perfect…
But the goal should be to know yourself the best that you can, and use that knowledge to share empathy with others, care for yourself, and be the best version of you as possible for your surrounding community. And for that…there are some conversations worth revisiting.
What are some healthy reminders you find yourself coming back to every so often? Any pillars you live by that you have to repeat to yourself every now and then to ensure you’re still abiding by them? Let me know and thank you so much for being here